So left again…

How many times can we hear “Well, then I am just going to leave!” and watch him go but he always comes back. The kids don’t even pay attention anymore when he says it; they just let him go. I watch, sit back, respond very little during the rant leading up to the door slamming,  & somehow that is perceived as being antagonizing. I have given up yelling, arguing, fighting, even talking to a certain extent, as he doesn’t listen anyways. I could explain how and why he is being irrational but it wouldn’t sink in. I could explain that every time he throws this temper tantrum with the kids watching, it makes them turn more and more apathetic. Everyone is tired of begging, tired of wishing, tired of thinking maybe this time when he comes he will be different. He will smile, he will have fun, he will enjoy being with us. Yet his entire reason for leaving (usually quite quickly after he has returned) is because we haven’t been nice to him?! It’s hard to be nice when you walk on eggshells. It’s hard to want him here when the mood swings are severe & the chance of him blowing up – over anything from kids playing legos in another room, to us wanting to play a board game, or even us just being quiet as we are all tired – is huge. It is never good enough, never right, never perfect. Moments of celebration are ruined as negativity exudes from him & with out it I don’t think he knows how to act. Rather than rejoicing in the moment, be it he has arrived home & is with us, ACT & SAT scores being amazingly higher than anticipated, traveling teams were made, or lead roles awarded in a great theatre program – he can find the bad. So we are all slowly withdrawing and thinking maybe if he really does leave, things wouldn’t be so bad. It’s not what any of us want, we love him – or we love the him we know from happier days…will HE ever come back?!