Tag Archives: failure

Your child IS or WILL BE a loser!

Life is about winning.  Everyone wants to win; be it in sports, work, and grades – but in reality we all can’t be winners. So many of the teams my kids have been on give out trophies to every child when the season is done – why? So every kid feels special and feels as if they had a stellar season.  When in reality, as my kids have noticed, sometimes their team sucks. Why are we rewarding the kids and making them feel as if they should receive a trophy when their team really didn’t win at all. I don’t think Major League Baseball gives out trophies to the team that comes in last in each division. Losing is a part of life. Your child will not win every game or even make every team. Jobs, especially today, are competitive. Even if your child is  qualified there will be other people that are just as qualified (and some more qualified) and they will get the job (and let’s not forget sometimes its just who you know & has NOTHING to do with your/their qualifications). Your child will not get into every college that they applied to. Your child will not get an A on every test; in fact your child will probably get a D or an F at some point during their school years. Your child will sometimes even make a simple basic decision that will make them a loser. Isn’t learning how to work through those times of failures part of life’s lessons? For instance, when my daughter was 12 years old she kept insisting she was able to take the subway by herself, fly and navigate through an airport by herself, and could possibly even live in an apartment in a big city by herself.  I respectfully disagreed.  Although, she was more capable than most 12 year olds, and even some adults I knew, I just felt she wasn’t aware enough of her surroundings to be completely solo. Yet, a moment came up when she had the opportunity to fly by herself.  She had to do security alone, find her gate, get her ticket, and board.  Guess what happened? She missed the flight! She went to the wrong gate. She sat there and was not aware of her surroundings. By the time she realized her mistake, she ran to the correct gate, just to watch it pull away. Do you think she felt like a winner at that moment? Hell no! She has said how her stomach just dropped and she knew she had made a huge mistake. Did I tell her she was a loser? Hell no! She was hard enough on herself and knew that she had completely failed. But let me tell you, the next day she got up and did it all again PERFECTLY! The best lessons in life are taught by life! She is now aware of her surroundings; she now can navigate airports and subways. She is not complacent when venturing out on her own and pays attention rather than letting her guard down and just assuming all is good. She failed the first time. It was devastating. Her phone call to me was gut-wrenching. But through that losing moment, she gained far more than I could’ve taught her. Let your kids feel what it is like to fail. Let them know that through those failures and losses come bigger and better things. Stop giving them trophies when their team sucks. Losing is part of life, let them get used to it and learn from it!